You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
