shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
