Where is the hickey?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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