If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
