I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
