there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
