Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
