And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
