i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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