low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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