U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
