When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
