i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
