the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
