Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
