walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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