I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
