He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
