on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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