Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
