i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
