Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
