There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Please don't give away my fajitas
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
