dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
