i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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