i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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