Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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