I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
