You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
