is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
