We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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