I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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