Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just blew my weed a kiss
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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