you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
