I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
