if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
