Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
