This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
