I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
