from now on my penis is your penis
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
