My underwear smells like fireworks.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
