do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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