I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
