Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
