Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
