I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There's always time for handjobs
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
