are you still at the devil's house?
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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