where does the pee come out of this thing
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You were trust falling into bushes
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
