I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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