so explain again why im purple
no
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
