Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
