I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
